spam.

At the time of writing, I have seven genuine post comments on this website (one of them by my mum. Hi Mama!), but 962 (attempted) spam comments just this week. Every now and then I read through them. They’re so incredibly dumb that some of them are almost funny. Fellow WordPress users, you know what I’m talking about. Everybody else, enjoy these shining examples of spam bot nonsense.

 

just walking my octopus.

just walking my octopus.

“Digna” bows to my expert knowledge in octopus walking:

It’s nearly impossible to find well-informed people on this subject, but you seem like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks

 

spaceship consultant.

spaceship consultant.

“Erma” knows I have the gift of spaceship consultancy:

Can I simply say what a relief to discover someone that really understands what they are discussing on the web. You certainly know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More people have to read this and understand this side of the story. I was surprised you aren’t more popular because you definitely have the gift.

 

some jerk.

some jerk.

Better yet, according to “Elvin”, I am also an expert at getting pooped on:

Just want to say your article is as astounding. The clearness in your post is simply excellent and i could assume you are an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the gratifying work.

 

forever.

forever.

On a less hilarious note, “Lida” tries to get the hang of my cat passing away. You know what, “Lida”? Fuck you.

You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something that I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

 

dear diary.

dear diary.

“Hye” has forgotten how to language altogether.

I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an impatience over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this increase.

 

escape plan.

escape plan.

My zombie apocalypse escape plan techniques were praised by “Gregg”…

great submit, very informative. I’m wondering why the other specialists of this sector do not understand this. You must continue your writing. I am sure, you have a great readers’ base already!

… but disappointed “Burl” greatly:

Next time I read a blog, Hopefully it does not disappoint me just as much as this particular one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I genuinely believed you would probably have something interesting to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of moaning about something that you could fix if you weren’t too busy searching for attention.

“Derrick” liked it but wants more pictures. (…)

Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is magnificent blog. A fantastic read. I’ll definitely be back.

 

Help!

And then there is the spam bots asking for advice, like, for example, how to save their firefox bookmarks, or how to set up their dual monitors, or what the copyright situation is for film stills taken from DVDs and used in academic articles. Well, “Eddy”, I don’t know, and my aviation bucket list certainly doesn’t have any answers either.

 

The self-aware spam bot

But this takes the cake:

Do you have a spam issue on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was wondering your situation; we have created some nice practices and we are looking to swap strategies with others, why not shoot me an email if interested.

A spam issue? Really, “Horacio” ?

 

Dear spam bots: you are so, so dumb.